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15 March 2009 @ 05:56 pm
A belated 2-year faniversary to me  

Hello all of you out there in LJ land. It occurred to me today that the month of March marks my second year in fandom. March 8th, 2007 (to be exact) was the date of my first LJ entry. Some of you may remember it because it featured my first Spuffy fic, The Heart of Her. This past year was eventful, often in difficult and unpleasant ways. As I browsed back through old entries, I felt both a sense of relief and regret that school and my own personal obstacles got in the way of immersing myself as fully in fandom as I had in 2007-2008. My marked absence these last few months from the LJ scene are also a testament to a life of greater responsibility, altered priorities, and more focus. 

For me, this fandom year was overshadowed by my grandmother's illness and death, my thesis woes, fears about graduation and my future, the joys of taking off across the country for five weeks, testing the waters of adulthood with a full time work schedule, worrying about expenses and insurance, finally (finally!) putting my physical health first and dedicating myself to going to the gym (which I've been loving the last two months), vacationing in beautiful Mexico, and then winding up in a similar state of uncertainty about what I'd like to do with my life. For those of you past your twenties, maybe this all sounds familiar. 

I won't say that I've checked out of fandom for good, but the draw isn't the same for me as it was. I'm at work longs hours, followed by the gym 3-4 evenings a week. I get home. I don't want to be on the computer. I don't make the time for reading stories or posting or being on LJ like I used to. But, I do miss it, sometimes. Hearing about your lives, reading your fic, looking at your manips. You're a great group of people, and I wish I could be more present and write something for you. But my spark to write is gone for the time being. It's not that there aren't stories to tell or my muse has dried up. I'm just tired and with only so much energy to spare, I can't put it toward this creative outlet. It feels weird to say it. It feels weird to not be writing anything at all these days. Not journalism, news, or fanfic. I write nothing, and that's a damn shame because I know it's something I'm meant to do. 

I wanted to make a quick recap of my fandom year, but instead this has turned into a slightly emo post about me. To get back on topic, here are a few of my accomplishments that I thought I'd mention: 

-- I wrote 16 fics of varying length this past year. In total, I tackled 9 different pairings and 6 that were completely new to me, including Xander/Faith, Xander/Dawn, Wes/Lilah, Fred/Gunn, Faith/Buffy, and Buffy/Angel.
-- Of the 16 fics, 7 were out and out smut fics, 6 were written for communities, 4 were written as gifts, and 3 as responses to requests in my journal. My two favorite stories of the year are Acts of Contrition and Off Route 17.

I had a few firsts with in terms of genre, length and pairing.
-- First Fluff Fic: How Many Blonds Does it Take to Screw in a Lightbulb?
-- First Humor Fic/Girl on Guy Rimming Scene: Learning Curve
-- First Gen Fic: The Hard Choices
-- First Fic Written in the 2nd Person: Wool Over My Eyes
-- First Femmeslash Fic: Severed and Sewn
-- First Spaiku: School Hard Spaiku
-- Longest Fic to Date: Off Route 17

-- I took a crack at some thoughtful meta on kink, which generated fantastic discussion at The Appeal of Slash, and Kink in Fanfiction posts.
-- My ignorance about Twilight shown brightly when I naively asked What's Twilight? and then laughed for the next two hours as I found out. 
-- Gus and I put our smutty brains together and collaborated to create some truly porntastic Spuffy artwork 

And, like in my 2008 post (which can be read HERE), my top two fandom moments of the year were:

-- Dressing up as Buffy & Spike, which you can view HERE & HERE. I love putting on costumes and making an ass of myself, and I think you all really enjoyed it too. The response about my likeness to Buffy in particular was fun and highly entertaining. And of all the Buffy outfits I could have assembled, who would of guessed that Get it Done would have been the winner?

-- Seeing only_passenger, sevendeadlyfun and hello_spikey on my return trip to NYC during my roadtrip this past summer. Some of the best fandom moments (for me) are when you get to meet your fellow fans (and friends) face to face after months or years of talking online, over email and on the phone. I had the great fortune of staying with Pass, her son and family on the 4th of July. We watched fireworks and generally squeed over each other, went swimming in a local lake, and played superheroes. Again, with the dressing up. I very cleverly decided that my bra and underwear had to go on over my clothing to pull this particular game off. Seven and I sat at her dining room table and perved out, as we're want to do, on all things fandom and kink. I also got to see her tattoos, watch lego characters recite Eddie Izzard routines on youtube courtesy of her sons, play with doggie, and have a rollicking old afternoon. Spikey was also a complete doll and took the time to meet me over her lunchbreak. She has a fantastic sense of style, is witty, and fun. If WriterCon is still in my future this summer, I hope I get to meet many more of you to add to the memories. 

I'm not sure what this fannish year will bring me, but I look forward to it, whatever it may be.  

Holly: awesomehollydb on March 15th, 2009 11:39 pm (UTC)
Congrats, sweetie, on two years! We're so glad to have you!
ClawofCatclawofcat on March 16th, 2009 03:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks. These two years went by very fast. I only wish I could have left more of a mark. Maybe when things settle down, I'll have energy to write fanfic again. It saddens me to think that this is it.
mendenbar01mendenbar01 on March 16th, 2009 12:06 am (UTC)
Mary congratulations on your anniversary. And also many sighs of disconsolation that you aren't writing at the moment. As you mentioned, those of us over 20 (way, way, WAY over in my case) know exactly what you are talking about.

Be of good cheer, though, eventually RL settles down and fantasy returns to cheer a lonely evening. Drips and drabbles and perhaps then a true torrent (a spate perhaps) of ideas and words. We will be here when you return with open hands and eyes.

ClawofCat: faith redemptionclawofcat on April 5th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your words of support. It's wonderful to know that work I've produced has kept people entertained and thinking about these characters. When things calm down, maybe inspiration will flare again. I've been watching Dollhouse, so Whedon is never too far from my mind!
louise39: x HOORAY  cartoon micelouise39 on March 16th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)
Congratulations on your anniversary!!

You've had a busy life, haven't you!!
Hope to see more of you when you can.
ClawofCatclawofcat on March 16th, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
It definately has been busy. Once I feel secure in where I'm going with everything, maybe that desire to write fanfic will come back.

Lately, I've been really getting back into Lost and my comic book hobby (which I was into for years). Returning to old favorites is like meeting old friends. Maybe it's the same with Buffy. I need distance from it for the passion to return.
dragonflylady77: Red top strawdragonflylady77 on March 16th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
Happy Faniversary!

ClawofCatclawofcat on March 16th, 2009 03:12 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hun. Hope you and the kiddies are doing well.

This is sort of random, but since you're a New Zealander, I thought I'd mention it. I just bought this really realistic plush kiwi bird. I love it! I understand they're endangered, too. Poor things.
dragonflylady77: spuffy prettydragonflylady77 on March 18th, 2009 02:41 am (UTC)
We're counting down to the trip home to France in 4 1/2 weeks. :)
Sorting thing out with the lawyer at the moment (RL update on my LJ last week, finally).

I'd love to see a pic of the kiwi!!
(Deleted comment)
ClawofCatclawofcat on April 5th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Tibi. Sorry for the belated response. I've been a busy bee, but had a few moments to log on since I'm a bit banged up this week from the gym. Cardio Bootcamp whooped my ass, so I'm all bed ridden on Motrin :)

My responsibilities at work have doubled, so that's pretty much my whole universe now.
Shapinglightshapinglight on March 16th, 2009 08:53 am (UTC)
It's very nice to see you post, and thanks for all the handy links.

Also, good luck in all your future endeavours.
ClawofCatclawofcat on April 5th, 2009 09:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Deb. Works sort of my whole world at the moment, but I have been watching Dollhouse. Joss is never too far from my mind! When I'm not so distracted by responsibilities at the office, maybe my Muse will revive a bit. Things are very quiet in my brain these days.
petzipellepingo: congrats balloons by eyesthatslaypetzipellepingo on March 16th, 2009 09:34 am (UTC)
Happy LJ-versary!
ClawofCatclawofcat on March 16th, 2009 03:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Here's hoping that there's still life in me yet to do engage in fandom for the next year.
KSena: Xander One-eyed B&W by fadednegativekseenaa on March 16th, 2009 01:47 pm (UTC)
And I just found you, dammit! Well, I'll just amuse myself with going through your old stuff then. ;-)
ClawofCatclawofcat on March 16th, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC)
Heh. There's quite a bit of fic for you to wade through yet. I'd love to know what you think when you get the chance.

Don't fret, though. I'm not declaring myself retired. I just don't have it in me right now to do this. Sometimes a break is in order to get the passion back, you know?
KSena: Me Phone in Jeanpocket by vickienash@grakseenaa on March 16th, 2009 03:48 pm (UTC)
Well, I am one of those readers that always comments on what I read. ;-) So when I read, you'll know. *nods*
Sotiassddgr on March 17th, 2009 05:29 pm (UTC)
Wow! They've been a very productive couple of years and I can't thank you enough for sharing your fic with us!
ClawofCatclawofcat on April 5th, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Sotia! You have always been very supportive of my writing, and I hope in the future I'll have more work to share with you all.