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30 April 2008 @ 04:19 pm
In Dreams ~ Drabble (1/4)  
It was suggested to me that I experiment with my style, so this is an exercise in doing just that. This drabble is the first in series of four that will each focus on a member of the Fanged Four and what they dream of when they think of possession. The idea was partially inspired by Neil Gaiman's Sandman

Title: In Dreams (Drusilla)
Author: ClawofCat
Timing: Pre-Series
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Drusilla/Angelus
Warnings: non-explicit torture 

Drusilla dreams of possession, a white knight to call her own.
Laying amidst a sea of baby doll eyes, a princess to her unerringly loyal, porcelain subjects, she dreams of a man to keep her from drowning. Daddy likes to hold her head under water, to cloud her thoughts and make her weak. The pain he concocts causes bright sparks to burn, makes her twist and cower in fear. He likes to watch her smolder and crumble, a single, dying star in his bevy of victims, always the brightest one. So she becomes a monument to his pain, his sacrificial altar, an immodest display of his craft. When she opens her eyes, blood pours from her breasts in a spray, each suspended limb statuesque and well-placed. He makes her his ablution, his public bath, like the pigeons that crowd the fountain in the square. He goads her to cry tears of blood, his impure Madonna, his baby girl whore.
Drusilla dreams of possession, a childe to call her own. Who’ll speak in rhymes, honest and true, and let her, at last, cut deep and mold. Her fires of creativity circulate and stew, a well-versed mistress to pain. She dreams of a knight to make hers alone, at last someone to scream her name. 

The Anti-OTPsnowpuppies on April 30th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, nice.
ClawofCat: SpikeDruclawofcat on April 30th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
Poor Dru. Daddy likes to hurt her so. We see Dru sort of complicit and even asking for Angel's attention later in the series, but I feel like it must have been dreadfully hard for her early on, being his favorite dolly and all. One of my favorite Dru/Angel moments is when she ties him up to her bed in "What's My Line?" and pours the holy water all over him, clearly angry and upset for what he did to her and her family. I wish we had seen more of her feeling vengeful and not all ga-ga. He did her such a great wrong.
eowyn_315: Spike/Drueowyn_315 on April 30th, 2008 09:56 pm (UTC)
Not surprisingly, Drusilla's dreams are as fucked up as she is. Really nice imagery, with just a touch of crazy. :)

One thing that occurred to me while reading this is that we don't know what Dru was really like when she was first turned. If I'm not mistaken, we don't see her as a vampire until she turns William... that's 20 years for Angelus to shape her. He made her crazy as a human, but I wonder if she wasn't as wicked as she became until after he'd tormented her as a vampire, too. (And the thing that set me off on all this was "Daddy likes to hold her head under water," since we see later (TGIQ) that Drusilla asks to be held under water.)

I could see a similarity between her and Spike, both driven by love for their sire immediately after turning, and later molded by Angelus to become the monsters they were.
ClawofCat: spikedru dancingclawofcat on April 30th, 2008 10:13 pm (UTC)
I wonder if she wasn't as wicked as she became until after he'd tormented her as a vampire
That's what I'm banking on. I envisioned this Dru as young, tormented, still scared by everything that Angelus wrecks on her. If you read my response to Snowy up top, we know from "What's My Line?" that a part of Dru hates Angelus for what he did to her and her family. She tortures him for it, and not in an affectionate way either. After such an extended period of abuse, Dru obviously learns to like and even desire the fucked up things that Angel and Darla can cook up for her, but I'd be surprised if it was always that way. And yeah, the head under water thing was a shout out to TGIQ. Except here she doesn't like it so much. Spike didn't either when the Turok-Han did the same to him in BtVS while the first hovered over him as Dru. Coincidence?

I only have the first lines of the other drabbles, but Spike's will be: "William dreams of possession, a lover to put him first."

I want to briefly work through, psychologically, what each character wants in their heart of hearts.
Sevensevendeadlyfun on April 30th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
I'm not a big fan of drabbles just because I prefer my stories to have more meat on them. Drabbles are, to me, just the opening paragraph of a longer story and I hate to be cheated out of a good tale. That said, I can understand using them to experiment with and your experiment certainly did turn out interesting.

This is a view of Drusilla I prefer, personally. Fandom has somehow forgotten that she took out a Slayer with just her fingernails (okay and a bit of hypnosis) and got the better of Wolfram and Hart. Somehow fanon has warped her vicious insanity into child-speak and fairies...I have no idea how this happened. Your Drusilla is much closer to canon and just as interesting.
ClawofCat: angel druclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
I suck at drabbles. I've tried to write true drabbles before, but I'm far too verbose for 100 words. This is about 200, but I think of it more as a POV character study than a "drabble" that tries to convey a scene. Trying to maintain crazy, disjointed Dru-thought for much longer would have been rather hard.

I'm glad you like my interpretation of her here. I envisioned her as young, still a pawn squashed flat beneath Angelus' thumb and very much a work in progress. It's really heartbreaking to think what sort of "work" he had to put into her to make her the way she is. I imagine her being so scared early on, so utterly tormented that madness was her only escape. But she's a young woman, all the same, dreaming of someone to save her, dreaming of someone to exert her control over because she's been made to feel powerless. Her desires are so warped, wanting both love/pain, escape/control. I wonder if Joss & Co. had the Delphic oracle in mind when they dreamed up Dru - a powerful, pure, prophetic woman being manipulated and driven mad by her abilities and the men who controlled her. Girl's got layers, for sure.
Mspankulert on May 1st, 2008 04:35 am (UTC)
Oh wow. Poetry in motion.
ClawofCatclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I liked writing the disassociated dream-imagery.
SpankSpikespankspike on May 1st, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)
That's simply fantastic. I think you've captured Dru very well there. She's a very unique package madness and brilliance. I've always thought she saw to the core of everyone and everything. Angelus broke her quite spectacularly.

I sometimes like to think of what she might have been if Angelus had not come along. Part psychic, part Mother Theresa? That incredible power she had used by someone who was good and innocent with pure intentions... yeah, I wonder.
ClawofCatclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I imagined this dreamy recollection of hers as part reality (Angelus literally making her into a bloody fountain) and the rest a nightmarish congolmeration of figurative thought tied into snarls by her vision of herself, her tormenter, and her desire for contol and escape.

I agree. Dru's a smart cookie, deeply insightful, and clever. I feel like I never know what to think about her. She's evil, bloodthirsty, vicious, manipulative, but also a victim, caring, and childish. I think in many ways she's turned her weaknesses into strengths. I wish there were more pre-series Spike/Dru stories because there must have been something wonderful in her to keep Spike by her side for so long. I think she genuinely did love him, but like all things about Dru, it became warped and twisted over time.

I sometimes like to think of what she might have been if Angelus had not come along.
Interesting! Yes, I do wonder if she would have been this benevolent force of good. It seems like she could have been. I think that potential is really what makes her so tragic. She was a good, pure soul, and Angelus so cruelly snatched and corrupted that from her.
Shapinglight: Who's your daddy?shapinglight on May 1st, 2008 09:25 am (UTC)
I like that very much, and Dru is so hard to write. I think you managed that here in a way that's poetic and yet also true to the character.
ClawofCat: angel stareclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
She always spoke of stars and the heavens, refered to herself as princess searching for her knight, so I just tried to incorporate those aspects of her personality into a dreamy, figurative thought process. Or, a nightmarish recall, maybe. Later we saw a doting Dru on Angel, but I can't imagine she was always that way. He had to twist and pervert any sense of pleasure/pain, lover/tormenter she had in order to make a woman feel for him what she did. Poor dear. How horrible it must have been for her in those early years.
Zoe: angelus/druzoesmith on May 1st, 2008 10:05 am (UTC)
It's not easy to be in Dru's head. You did an excellent job, that was very touching and powerful.
ClawofCat: SpikeDruclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 04:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I imagine she must have endured some incredibly intense suffering at the hands of Angelus in the early years. Just like he made Spike, I think he had to make Dru, as well. And a transformation like that can't be born through anything but pain. It just makes me think how strong she really must be to have any wits left at all.
FemailoftheSpeciescafedemonde on May 1st, 2008 03:32 pm (UTC)
Very nice, the last line brings on shivers.

And Angelus really was a dick, wasn't he?
ClawofCat: angelus smokesclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 04:02 pm (UTC)
Very nice, the last line brings on shivers.
And she got what she wanted, didn't she? Stuck her snares into Spike and didn't let go for a long time. Clever girl.

And yes, Angelus was a supreme dick. I think what he did to Dru was the most unconcionable thing we saw him accomplish in canon. This was meant to represent a youngish sort of Dru, one who was terrorized and tormented to mold her into the vampire we later saw. But just like Spike always had his spark of humanity, I think Dru did too, which is why Angelus tortured her above all else. Because it hurt and she was powerless to stop him.
mere ubu: willow feedbackmere_ubu on May 1st, 2008 05:36 pm (UTC)
She dreams of a knight to make hers alone, at last someone to scream her name.

Ooh, this gives me the shivers--that first line repeated and augmented. Gorgeous imagery and creepy as hell. I know she's a monster, but I always feel so sad for her. You captures Angelus' profanation of her so well; she really is a horrifying creation. Can't wait to read more of these.
ClawofCat: spikedru dancingclawofcat on May 1st, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
Yeah, she goes from wanting to be saved to wanting to exert her control over someone. Ultimately, Dru got both from Spike in the end.

Glad you enjoyed. Dru sort of speaks in poetry, never totally literal. So, her thought process, I imagine, would be full of fantastic figurative language mixed with the nightmarish experience of being tormented. And I always feel sad for her too. Such a force of good twisted into a force of evil. I wanted to show how horrible that transformation must have been for her, how painful. I think Dru is a testament to what an utter, evil bastard Angelus was.

I'm trying to figure out if I want to keep the structure of each drabble the same or switch it up. I'll probably try and use language that's representative of each character. Don't think William's dreams would be a loopy as poor Dru's.
louise39: Dru   hands togetherlouise39 on May 3rd, 2008 12:41 am (UTC)
"...a white knight to call her own"

I think that Drusilla as a young girl had a head full of dreams and girlish fantasies. Her 'visions' came, then Angelus...and pain.

You did a great job showing the nightmare that her unlife was and how she embraced it. But somehow, in a place Angelus couldn't touch, she had a dream to mold her own creature.

Edited at 2008-05-03 12:42 am (UTC)
ClawofCat: Dru naughtyclawofcat on May 3rd, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC)
But somehow, in a place Angelus couldn't touch, she had a dream to mold her own creature.
If I'm going to stick with Sandman references, there's a story arc where Dream goes to battle the Devil for a sacred helmet of his. When he walks away, seemingly victorious, the Devil tells him, "What is hell without hope?" It's those dreams of solace that make the reality of pain that much more accute and perhaps Angelus knew this. But then, what's the saying about women and the secrets of their heart? That they're unknowable, perhaps?

I'm glad you enjoyed the brief foray in Dru-thought. I just posted William, still need to figure out Angelus, but I think my favorite drabble so far has been the one I wrote for Darla. Can't wait to put that up.
of_too_minds: vamp spikeof_too_minds on May 5th, 2008 03:57 am (UTC)
Excellent drabble. You capture the heart of Dru. She was trapped and molded by Angelus's perverse desires, complicit because she can't refuse her maker... but she didn't ask for any of it.

ClawofCat: angel druclawofcat on May 6th, 2008 10:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'm very happy with the way this one came out. And your description of her unfortunate circumstances hits it right on the head. Her story is just so compelling and tragic.