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29 April 2008 @ 12:28 pm
Panic  
That's what I feel right now. I have a presentation this afternoon that I'm preparing for and then after class it's right back to my thesis. And it feels daunting. I know I can do it and that it will get done. But it has me panicked. I was sitting typing and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't breathe and my heart was hammering. I assume that's what a panic attack is, but I've never had one. It was scary. I had to call my dad and calm down. It doesn't make any sense that I'm a writer, but when it comes to papers I get so stuffed up and blocked over them. I can write 8 pages of fanfic no problem, but when it comes to academia, those 8 pages feel like torture to me and it takes such an excrutiatingly long time. Probably because it takes careful thought to make an argument and support it. It dosen't flow like fiction. There is no "muse" of academia, no creative force. It's just you, your brain and the library books. And it sucks.  
 
 
 
mere ubu: spike rock onmere_ubu on April 29th, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
Hang in there, sweetie. You'll get it done. A couple more weeks and you can write whatever you want. *squishes* I panic like that before public speaking, but I'm pleased to report that it hasn't killed me yet.

I sympathize with your academic writing pain; I think the main reason I derailed after my MA was that the prospect of dissertating sounded about as appealing as dental work without anesthetic. (And a lot longer.)

::sending waves of fortitude your way::
ClawofCat: Spawn BFFclawofcat on April 30th, 2008 04:41 am (UTC)
Crisis momentarily averted. The presentation went alright. Good thing I had those pictures to circulate. Diversionary tactic. I'm supposed to be done on Monday. That's assuming I can get everything in on time, which would be a miracle. My thesis was due Monday, and here I am, still working on it.

*snorts your fortitude like crack*
Yeah! That's the stuff! Oh, I also wanted to ask if you'd ever consider doing non-Spuffy spaiku. Like maybe some sweet Spike/Dawn friendship ones? No, I'm not fishing at all *innocently averts eyes*
mere ubu: innocent spikemere_ubu on April 30th, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC)
*hands you venti Starbucks fortified with extra fortitude* I hope I didn't sound too Pollyanna yesterday. I joke about it now, but I'll never forget the horrible stress of writing my master's thesis in a week with a 20-oz. Sam Adams at my elbow at all times. *shudder* I continue to send my good wishes. :)

Sure I'd consider some Spike/Dawn friendship Spaiku! I'm re-viewing Season Five now, so some inspiration for that ought to show up soon.
Shapinglightshapinglight on April 29th, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC)
That definitely sounds like a panic attack, and they can be very frightening. Poor you!

Sorry this is being so hard but think how you'll feel when it's all over.
ClawofCatclawofcat on April 30th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
I'll feel utterly, utterly relieved. *whimper*
Herself_nycherself_nyc on April 29th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
It sure does.
Good luck!
ClawofCatclawofcat on April 30th, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
*wibble* Thanks. My tardiness just makes me feel like I utterly fail at life. So glad I don't have to do this ever again.
(Deleted comment)
ClawofCatclawofcat on April 30th, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Thanks, doll. *gasp* Your icon is scary! Bloody eyes! Eeee! But pretty :)