May 18th, 2008

buffy hurts

Graduation Angst

Wouldn't you know it? School and finals are over and all of a sudden I disappear. The last week I've either been at work until late, shopping for graduation dresses, packing the entire day, and/or out all day/night and enjoying my new freedom. A lot ofmy remaining stuff was packed last night and hauled away in my parents car. My dorm looks all naked and sad without my decour. As for my summer residence, for the short-term, I will be living in my grandmother's apartment, which is a relief. I'll have my own space, and although my parents are re-doing a lot of it, I'll still have some semblance of privacy. Having to move back to my doorless room at my parent's apartment seemed like a pretty oppressive option.  

When I went out to dinner last night with the folks, I asked my parents why they weren't excited about me graduating. I hadn't really received any congratulations or enthusiasm from them and it upset me a tad. My mom said that it was hard for them to be enthusiastic when I had shown very little enthusiasm about graduating myself. She asked me why this was the case and I told her that I felt like my time in college accomplished nothing. I go to an Ivy League and it feels like the four years were for nothing. I'm not closer to knowing what I want to do with myself. These last four years have seemed like a chore to the very end. It's hard for me to honestly say that I really enjoyed myself or that I feel particularly connected to the University. 

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